Cleansing Reactions - Friday, February 26, 2010

One should be aware of some of the "side-effects" of detoxing before embarking down that road. For instance, when toxins leave the organs and enter the bloodstream it can make you feel somewhat sick, depending on how quickly you are detoxing and how much toxicity is present in your body. The symptoms can include feeling feverish, tired, or achy, having headaches, etc. We call this a "healing crisis." Since our skin is one of the largest eliminatory organs we have, any number of things can manifest on its surface during a cleanse. Well, each week I do a liver cleanse, I find a new batch of "eruptions" appear on my face a few days later. It is almost like clockwork. Honestly, I resemble a teenager after a three-week binge on chocolate. The frustrating thing is that, while I was on chemo, my skin looked like china. You would think the opposite would be true, that when you take in toxic substances it looks terrible and when you cleanse your skin looks great. This is definitely not the case. I said it before, and I will say it again...thank God for organic/natural make-up and Burt’s Bees Acne Solutions. They are a life-saver!

Totally Gone - Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The day of the port removal finally came. Mike, from Martindale’s, drove me to the hospital and sat with me until they called me into the surgery prep room. I had anticipated being put on "twilight" (less anesthesia) in preparation for the procedure, but was told I would only be given a local anesthetic. One of the medical personnel had suggested I ask that the physician give me a plastic surgeon’s stitch so that there would be a fine line scar. Unfortunately, the physician’s assistant said a plastic surgeon would have to remove the port for that to occur. So, there I lay, wide awake, while the same doctor who installed the port removed it. I could feel him sewing my skin together but did not bother to ask for more Lydocane as that would entail being stuck with more needles. Soon, however, I found myself remembering all the medical procedures my body has endured during the last nine months due to the cancer, and I began to cry. Since my arms were wrapped in a blanket like a cocoon making it impossible to wipe the tears away, I had to quickly change that thought process to a different one. Finally, the doctor was finished, and the nurse helped me walk back to the prep room in order to be released. Afterwards, Patty, from the store, drove me home, and I rested for the next five hours in between packing the area with ice. Then I went to work for a couple of hours because the nurse said it would be okay to do so. The best part of the whole day, besides the port being removed, was that my sister made her world-famous chicken and home-made stuffing dinner for me. Great comfort food to celebrate a momentous occasion.

Out Of Steam Again - Tuesday, February 23, 2010

This "needing to rest" phase is definitely interfering with my life. I have a wonderful chocolate cake recipe made with prunes that I wanted to make this morning. (Yes, you read correctly, with prunes, and believe it or not, everyone who has eaten it loved it!) So, while I prepared the cake, I simultaneously cooked the sausages in diced tomatoes and wine portion of the dinner we were having tonight and juiced my daily vegetable drink. Then, it was off to the living room to exercise. All went well until about ten o’clock when, suddenly, it felt like all the energy I had was completely used up, and I was left feeling exhausted. It would not have been a problem if I did not have to go to work shortly thereafter and put in a seven-hour day. It was definitely not a good time to realize there was not going to be a "second wind." So, I did the only thing a girl can do in that situation. I slowed down my pace and prayed, "Dear God, please help me make it through the rest of this day!" Thankfully, I did. But I learned one more time what not to do, at least at this stage of the game, when inspired with too many ideas at once.

Almost - Monday, February 22, 2010

Well, I almost did it. After getting my newfound hair trimmed on Sunday, I was determined to go to work sans "Abby" Monday morning. I actually pulled out the "ole hair dryer" and gel and used them again for the first time in six months. Unfortunately, try as I may, the "chemo curl" that has overtaken my hair at the moment refused taming. Even though strands of wavy hair belligerently stood straight up on my head, I was still intent on leaving "Abby" home. However, at the last moment, I was attacked by insecurity, chickened out, marched back into my bathroom, and put "Abby" on before leaving. Who knows, maybe in another two weeks.....

Helpful Hints - Friday, February 19, 2010

I thought it might be appropriate at this part of the journey to share what has been helpful to me along the way. The diet the naturopath recommended included organic chicken or turkey twice a week and two slices of cheese along with organic fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. In addition, good fats like avocados, olive oil, nuts, and seeds were permitted. I know being on this type of diet reduced the amount of inflammation caused by the chemo, even though two slices of cheese per week is almost unbearable for an Italian.

As far as the supplements are concerned, taking digestive and pancreatic enzymes, betaine HCL, l-glutamine, and omega 7 were the most important supports to my digestive system. CoQ10, green tea, and B-complex increased my stamina. I took an adrenal complex to support that system. Ashwaghanda aided the effects of the chemo and helped me sleep at night. I discovered that ginger relieved the mysterious stomach pains I encountered on occasion. Turmeric and Zyflamend have helped reduce the inflammation. (Turmeric has anti-cancer, anti-tumor, and anti-inflammatory properties.) Umeboshi plum paste kept me from getting nauseous after the chemo treatments. The reason is that it is very alkalizing, so it helped to balance the acidifying effects of the chemo. There are a number of other supplements I have taken which were specific to the protocol I followed that I will not take the time to mention. Lastly, I believe that exercise, juicing daily, and most of all, the scriptures were essential to facing this trial successfully. Wait a minute. How could I forget organic/natural makeup? That was a must for me! I really hope this list provides some ideas for others who are facing cancer also.

The Kramer Look - Wednesday, February 17, 2010

It has been silently occurring for some time right under my nose, or rather, under "Abby’s" (the wig) nylon net. Have you guessed yet? You are right. My hair has been growing all this time. The amazing thing is how many different looks I have had since this whole process began on the fourteenth day after the first chemo treatment. First, there was the "Biker chic" look. If you will recall, I mentioned that my hair gradually turned an ever brighter shade of orange after using henna instead of the Naturtint I was accustomed to applying. Then, it morphed into the "Uncle Fester" look, sans lightbulb. After that, I resembled Pope Pius XII, without the wire-rimmed glasses. When my hair started the regrowth process, I suddenly found myself looking like my brother, Rob. Do not misunderstand me. He is a good looking guy. It is just that I did not enjoy looking EXACTLY like him. I think there should have been at least some distinction. Now, as I am nearing the final phase, meaning the remaining period of time before I rid myself of Abby forever, I find myself looking rather oddly like Kramer from Seinfeld. I have only watched that show once. It was not that impressive to me, but his hair was unforgettable. Anyway, a strange phenomenon occurs each night while I sleep. When I awake each morning, the hair that did not fall out from chemo is standing straight up in the form of a triangle, transforming me into a Kramer look-a-like. Thank God, no one but my sister sees it. It is rather unsettling to view. Thank God, also for a spray bottle and a comb. After a moment or two the tuft is tame again until it gets smashed underneath the nylon cap that Abby sits on. This weekend I plan to have the hairdresser trim those unruly hairs and perhaps in a few short weeks I can do without Abby’s services forever.

Finally De-Ported - Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Well, it is now a confirmed fact. The port will be removed next Wednesday, February 24th. I can hardly wait to stop living like a "Borg" and start wearing the other half of my wardrobe again. Let me explain. The port is imbedded in the upper left side of my chest. Because I am somewhat thin, the device is visible through my skin. You can actually see the three raised segments on its surface. Then there is the "lovely" thick, red scar above it where the incision was made. Numerous times I put on a dress, sweater, or a shirt, not low-cut at all, only to have to take it off at the last minute and search for something else to wear because the port was visible. So, it became a ritual to check whether or not the port could be seen when deciding what to wear. And forget about a bathing suit. That was a definite "no", unless I was willing to wear a wool scarf around my neck in 90 degree weather. So you can understand my excitement over joining the world of fashionistas again.

By the way, I am grateful for the port as I have been told horror stories about how chemo closes the veins of patients and burns their skin during treatment. Still, it will be nice to look normal again, even if only to myself.

Exhaustion - Monday, February 15, 2010

The cycle has begun again. This morning the achiness was better. The only problem was that I felt so tired it took the grace of God and all the discipline within me to get up off the couch. So I moved as quickly as I could, which was the speed of a turtle, and went to work. Fortunately, after about three or four hours, my energy picked up and I was actually able to finish the day without falling asleep at my desk. No matter how many times the doctors told me the effects of chemo would be cumulative, I am still shocked that only now am I feeling so much. It also seems strange that my body is dictating to me and not the other way around.

A New Phase - February 9, 2010

I met with the naturopath this morning and, as usual, had my list of questions ready ahead of time. She gave me an "after chemo" supplement regimen and the next steps for what I call "after care." I must admit after taking so many supplements for the past nine months just to survive the cancer, chemo, and radiation, this new protocol seems as though it is not complete enough to adequately protect me. However, I realize the doctor knows what she is doing. So, the plan is to have the port removed first, then reverse the root canal, then do another round of detoxing. At this point, I do not remember if I ever mentioned my root canal before. According to Dr. Mercola’s research, (a well-known alternative doctor) root canals can be one of the causes of cancer. The reason being the chronic infection that occurs under the root places a constant burden on the immune system. I know there is more science behind this, but quite frankly, right now I cannot remember it all. If you would like to know more, I suggest you check out his website. I believe he has written more than one article on the subject. Since I had a root canal about fifteen years ago and just finished a bout with cancer, I would rather be safe than sorry in this regard. By the way, remember my theory about the cycle of achiness? Well, she said my thinking was correct. It would be wonderful if cleansing produced an ever increasing feeling of health and energy. However, it is more of a "feel better, then worse, then better again" experience. One last thing she suggested was to rest more as it is very healing. I know I need to because I find myself experiencing sudden periods of tiredness nowadays. The problem is there are so many things I want to do now that the medical treatment is finished that it is difficult to fit resting into my schedule. Unfortunately, I guess I do not have a choice in the matter.

A New Cycle - February 8, 2010

I am beginning to notice a cyclic pattern in regard to the liver cleansing. A day or two afterward, there is a noticeable difference in the level of achiness/inflammation I feel upon awakening and throughout the day. Since I do the cleansing on Saturdays, I wake up Monday morning feeling better. By Friday, however, the achiness has increased significantly, but it is never as pronounced as the previous week. Before the cleanse on Saturday it becomes worse. Then the cycle starts all over again. I have a theory about it that I want to present to the naturopath. (My monthly appointment is tomorrow.) The theory is that after the liver makes a "dump", it is then able to take on a new level of detoxification. So, the organs, and wherever else toxins are hiding, give up their "sludge" making the patient, namely me, feel lousy all over again. Only the next time there is that much less "sludge" to detox. Hence, the pain is less. We will see if the theory is correct or one of Joan’s fantasies.

Celebration Dinner - Sunday, February 7, 2010

The snow did not stop some of the staff from celebrating the end of radiation with me today at a local restaurant. To my surprise, my pastors, who were on their way to speak at a local congregation, stopped by the restaurant to bring me flowers, balloons, and a card. Even though they could not stay, it was wonderful to have them spend a few moments with us. The company was pleasant, the food was great, and a good time was had by all. In short, it was a nice finishing touch to a grueling nine and a half months.

A Kind Act - Saturday, February 6, 2010

It’s snowing outside as you all well know, which besides the incredible beauty, means shoveling. The last big snowstorm was difficult for me because it occurred in the middle of my radiation protocol. In our apartment complex, the parking lot is plowed by a crew, but the plow always dumps a pile of snow in the back of each car. So, even though I am thankful not to shovel a driveway, the task of digging out a car when you are physically challenged can be rather daunting, especially when the snow is deep. This time, I was dreading it even more, because of the increased achiness. So I asked God that, if possible, I would not have to do any shoveling today. How that would happen, I did not know, but that was not my problem to solve. Anyway my sister went down to the parking lot about a half hour or so before I did. Her intention was to dig out my car as well as hers. But when she saw how much snow was on both the cars, she prayed a similar type prayer. Well, soon after she began shoveling a man offered to help her. As men do, he shoveled down to the pavement, in other words, a perfect job. She called me from the parking lot to bring money downstairs to pay him, but he would not accept it. By the time I did go downstairs, there was nothing left to do. Thank God!

On another note, today I was able to take my eyelash curler out, dust it off, and use it because my eyelashes have grown long enough to curl. Yeah!!!

Taking The Morning Off - Thursday, February 4, 2010

I decided to take the morning off today. To be honest, as I have neared the end of the radiation treatments, I have grown increasingly weary. I can almost imagine what a soldier would feel like after many months of being "hyper-vigilant." The need to steel myself emotionally against the trauma surrounding the diagnosis, chemo, and radiation, and still remain focused, has taken its toll on me. It feels like I have been living inside a whirlwind, or been on a merry-go-round, for the past nine and a half months. Then, suddenly, the whirlwind ceased or the merry-go-round stopped, leaving me dizzy and tired. I realized I really needed some time to be alone in order to regroup. In fact, I think the one thing I would have done differently in the last nine and a half months would have been to rest more. Unfortunately, I was so determined not to allow this crisis to change my life as radically as it was capable of doing that I made every effort to maintain life as usual. In the long run it was probably not the best decision. I really did not have to prove myself to anyone. So today I found myself not wanting to have to care about anyone or anything. It was a new feeling and one that, I am sure, will pass with time, but it was strong nonetheless. The problem was that I really should not have gone to work at all today, because as soon as I walked through those doors, I had to care about everything happening around me no matter how I felt inside. Thank God for His grace at a time like this.

Last Treatment - February 3, 2010

This is the last day of radiation. Hallelujah!!! On the way to the hospital I kept thinking that this would be the last time I had to drive to this appointment and how I would not miss it. Amazingly enough, today the technicians were on time. Usually on Wednesdays, I have had to wait while they tended to other patients. But today, the appointment went very quickly. When anyone finishes a round of radiation, he or she is invited to ring a bell attached to a wall in the radiation area signaling completion of the protocol. So, when I was finished, the technicians invited me to do so as they gathered around. I reached for the rope and instinctively lifted it upward in order to ring it. (At least, that is the way the bell worked that my mom used to call us to dinner with when we were children.) However, in this case, the rope fell off in my hands. The Supervisor of Radiation then politely informed me that the bell should be rung from side to side instead of up and down. Figures.....Well, I rang it ceremoniously while they applauded. Then I received a Certificate of Merit for completing the program.


As I left the building, I called my sister, who happened to be away from her desk, and yelled, "I’m done! I’m done! I’m done!" into the phone. Then I called one of my best friends and did the same thing, this time with tears of relief. Upon entering work, someone asked me how I felt. I could only respond by saying that I had a myriad of emotions. Actually, I think that is an understatement. I felt joy, relief, weariness, and confusion among other things. A few minutes later, I discovered a card had been left on my desk by Marilyn. Inside she had glued a picture of the three men in the burning fiery furnace with the Lord (from the book of Daniel) along with the words from Daniel 3:27. (See July 10, 2009 Blog) That is the scripture I have been reading every day for months, because it states that the three men came out of the fire without their hair singed, their garments burned or even smelling like smoke. She then wrote, "Your faith has set you free!" That card so touched me, that again, I started sobbing. It was such a true statement. Being on the other end of this trial, I can now truly say that God has been faithful. After work, my sister and I went out to dinner and, during the meal, toasted my health with glasses of iced tea, of course.

Invitation - February 2, 2010

Mike approached me in the vitamin aisle at the store this afternoon with a surprising proposal. He told me that he and some of the people at work wanted to have a dinner party commemorating the end of my medical treatment. His thoughtfulness and phenomenal support touched me so deeply that I burst into tears. Of course, lately it has not taken much to make me emotional. Anyway, a group of us plan to meet at a local restaurant this Sunday in order to celebrate the occasion.

Feeling Younger - February 1, 2010

I woke up this morning feeling about 78 years old instead of 80. In other words, I felt a little less achy than about a week ago. It does not sound like much, but, at this point, any improvement is welcome. Many thanks to Epsom salts and liver detoxes.