An Unnerving Day - Friday, May 14, 2010

I know by now that when a doctor repeatedly exams the same spot on my body with a thoughtful look on his/her face, a challenge is near. This very thing occurred a month ago during my check-up with the oncologist. He found "something" above my left clavicle bone. At the time, he told me not to worry. This was easier said than done since my sister had just been diagnosed with uterine cancer. Because the area felt "rubbery" instead of hard, he believed it was not cancerous. However, he wanted to watch the spot and instructed me to return in four to six weeks. Today was that appointment. Once again, my doctor examined the area in question over and over again with the same pensive look on his face. Then he sat down and explained that because the spot measured about one centimeter, he felt it should be tested. Apparently, there is a chance it could be early cancer in another location. So, his recommendation was to have an ultrasound of the area as a precautionary measure. I could not help but lose my composure. Even the thought of another cancer growing in my body was too much to handle at this point. After all, I am still recovering from the medical treatment and trying to regain my life and strength. I do not know how accustomed this man is to seeing patients cry, but he did a good job of seeming at ease with my tears. Still, I felt embarrassed at my own response. It was then that he reminded me how we had discussed the possibility of a second occurrence because of the aggressive nature of the cancer I had. It was for this reason he wanted to exercise a greater degree of caution.

As I left the office today with the script I felt in a daze and needing support. Sometimes it is better to be alone in order to sort things out and sometimes it is not. This was a "not" time. I called one of my best friends and through tears told her what the doctor said. She prayed for me, then encouraged me to schedule the ultrasound as quickly as I could, even today, if possible. Unfortunately, the earliest appointment I could get is Tuesday. So, I will need to keep my mind more focused on the faithfulness of God than usual over the next few days.