In The Clear - Tuesday, May 18, 2010

By three o’clock this morning, I was wide awake. No matter what I tried, sleep evaded me. I will never understand why on the nights you need sleep the most, it seems you get the least amount. Thankfully, my sister accompanied me to the Breast Center for the test. I was required to arrive by 10:15 for a 10:30 a.m. ultrasound in order to pre-register. After registering, I tried to busy myself with some simple tasks. Finally, one of the technicians called me into the room to be tested. They took about a dozen pictures, told me I could get dressed, then left to show the films to the radiologist. After a few minutes, they returned to say my doctor would have the report today or tomorrow. Then, almost as an afterthought, she said the tissue in question looked normal. I asked her to repeat her statement because I wanted to be certain I was hearing her correctly. It was not until that moment that I realized how much I had been holding my breath, so to speak. I could feel a dam beginning to break behind my eyes, so I rushed out of the room as fast as my legs could carry me. My sister had to remind me to pay the parking fee before I left the building. (The Breast Center has an efficient system that allows you to pay the parking fee in a machine before exiting the lobby.) As soon as I paid the fee, I practically ran toward the car. Once inside, I began sobbing uncontrollably in the front seat, breathing hard just to keep up with the flow of tears. I have no idea how long that lasted. It felt as though I was breathing for the first time in days. When I finally regained my composure I called my friend and gasped, "I am okay. The tissue is normal!" She responded, " I know, I know" as if she had heard the report ahead of time. Then there was silence on the phone for a moment or two while I tried to calm down. It is so difficult to describe times like these. I felt as though ten thousand pounds had been lifted off my shoulders. Or as though I had been required to hold my breath for hours then been allowed to breathe again. To say I was relieved by that news is an understatement!

Anyway, the "thank you" dinner I have been planning for about eight months is tomorrow evening. I had to reschedule it for May 19th because of my sister’s operation and required recovery time. This was another reason I had the ultrasound as soon as possible. I did not want anything destroying my ability to celebrate the end of a very long and arduous year.