Another Milestone - Saturday, April 24, 2010

I passed another milestone today. It was the one year anniversary of the day I was diagnosed with cancer. I think I can honestly say that was one of the worst days of my life to date. That morning, I left for Einstein Hospital innocently thinking I would be back at work by eleven o’clock after a routine breast aspiration. After three attempts, my doctor sent me to the Women’s Center for a mammogram and ultrasound. Two mammograms, one ultra-sound, a core biopsy, and hours later, I was confronted with a preliminary diagnosis of cancer. I left the doctor’s office dazed, bracing myself for the journey home. I remember how long the trip seemed as I kept encountering traffic jams en route. I am still grateful to God that my sister forced me to get a cell phone a few months prior. The phone contact kept me focused as I drove back to Springfield. Actually, I should have gone home, but instead I went to Martindale’s. I have no explanation for it, but in distressing times, I find it helpful to maintain my routine. So, instead of heading home, I stopped at Martindale’s in order to pick up a few items. My best friend met me in the parking lot. She bought the groceries for me, then sat with me in the car. We prayed, cried, and laughed together for over an hour, then I drove home. That night, my sister and I did the same. I went to bed in a daze, my thoughts whirling over the events of the day and what the future might hold. Now, exactly one year has passed, and I am so glad to be on this side of the journey. Even though that day holds a lot of difficult memories, I believe that because of it my future is full of new opportunities. I am eager to experience them and see where they may lead.

The Conference - Thursday, April 22, 2010

The conference I spoke of a few weeks ago occurred today. I barely arrived on time because the outfit I carefully laid out the evening before looked awful this morning. The colors did not match, although last night they seemed perfect. So, at the last minute, I changed outfits three times before finally finding something that looked decent. Then it was a race to the conference center.

A variety of topics were presented including what to expect from your doctor, fighting fatigue, overcoming fear, cancer-fighting/cancer-causing foods and organic eating. Also, Mark Silver, author of "Breast Cancer Husband", gave a lecture based on his book. The last hour included a "Q&A" session with some of Bryn Mawr’s top doctors. It is difficult to convey in such a short space all the thoughts/feelings I experienced throughout the day. Some of the topics were interesting. I enjoyed the talk given by the Chief of Surgery regarding doctor/patient expectations. On the other hand, I found the lecture regarding fatigue too full of statistics, but lacking in practical application. Although, the physician giving the talk revealed one piece of information I was glad to hear. Apparently, there is new evidence in the medical community linking systemic inflammation to cancer. This is one of the reasons I believe traditional and alternative medicine need to cultivate a stronger dialogue. (I hope to be a part of that cultivation.) The idea that inflammation can be an underlying cause of cancer has long been understood in the alternative sector.

The last lecture on cancer-causing/fighting foods and organic eating, the impetus for my attending, was in retrospect the most disappointing. Basing her remarks on medical studies, this speaker basically denied any relationship between food and cancer. (The source of these studies as well as their validity was never revealed.) She also said that there is no nutritional difference between organic and commercially-grown produce. Lastly, she stated vitamins were basically unnecessary because most people obtain their nutrition from food. I have read so much evidence to the contrary that I was disturbed, to say the least. To tell you the truth, I suspected beforehand the topic would be presented from this perspective. However, it did not prevent me from feeling shocked and dismayed at such bias when I heard it. I left the conference somewhat upset, my mind churning over what I considered damaging words. Thankfully, I had the good sense to call a close friend who helped me put the day in better perspective.

Actually, I believe it was beneficial for me to attend the seminar. I was able to gain a closer glimpse of the philosophies that drive the medical community. It was also a blessing to witness such a group of intelligent, dedicated people. Unfortunately, I was acutely aware of how much is missed in the pursuit of cutting-edge knowledge. From my perspective, these physicians seem so focused on new "studies" that the basic physiology of the human body coupled with critical thinking have been abandoned. To my mind this leaves medical care sadly incomplete. Please, do not misunderstand me. Doctors are busy people to begin with, and I am not criticizing them. I simply wish their view of proper medical care incorporated treatment for the entire human being. To put it bluntly, I am not just a breast or an ovary, etc. I am a three part human being, including spirit, soul, and body. What effects one part effects the other. If we focus only on the end result, whether it be a compromised organ or a disease, we miss the opportunity to deal with the roots of it. I believe if the roots are not addressed, the problem will continue to fester. In my opinion, this is why we lose so many people.

I have one last item to share. What made the whole day worthwhile, besides a great lunch, was meeting the coordinator of the complementary medicine program at the hospital. She is a dear woman named Ruthmary. I explained to her that I manage a health food store and had just finished chemo and radiation treatments. She seemed as eager to speak with me as I was with her. I told her I would call her within the next week. Apparently, the program is in its infancy stages. My desire is to influence its development using the wisdom I have acquired from study and this past year’s experiences.

An Anniversary - Saturday, April 17, 2010

It was one year ago that I discovered the tumor. I still remember reaching for something on the coffee table only to accidentally brush against my right breast and discover a strange hardness there. What a change that one action has produced in my life! It seems like light years have passed between then and now. I am not the same person I was before that moment. Quite frankly, I would not wish what I have been through in these past twelve months on someone who hated me intensely. At times, it has been a hellish nightmare. However, I believe I leave this past year with many positives. I have a greater level of compassion for the suffering as well as an experiential knowledge of my heavenly Father’s care, and a greater appreciation for life, to name a few. Also, I feel as though my desire to help people has greatly expanded because of this experience. So, it is these things I intend to take away from this last year and use the lessons I have learned wisely for the benefit of others.

The Follow-Up - Wednesday, April 14, 2010

It has been five months since I finished chemo and thus, time for a follow-up visit with the oncologist. Fortunately, I like the man even though I hate the protocol he prescribed. I gave him my list of complaints/concerns. He said the tiredness was a common complaint. Since in his estimation, I had virtually no side-effects, the achiness puzzled him. I reminded him that chemo was cumulative. However, my reminder went unnoticed. He seemed determined to exonerate the chemo and find some other cause. So, he then asked me if my supplements could be producing the symptoms. I could not believe he even suggested such a thing and responded by saying, "Are you kidding? Give me a break!" He tried to suggest the vitamins instead of the chemo or steroids were the culprit one more time. To this I replied, "Do you want me to quote you statistics?" (I was referring to the World Health Organization’s statistics regarding the number of deaths due to properly prescribed medications.) At this point, he surrendered the battle by saying with a smile, "I just thought I would ask."

We also had a "lively" discussion concerning mammograms as a means of monitoring my health. Discovering the tumor on my own only ten months after a mammogram has left me feeling they are almost useless for cancer-screening. Hence, my use of the word "lively" in describing the conversation. The doctor agreed that mammograms are insufficient at times. He then explained that preventive care should be a three-pronged approach of self and physician exams combined with mammography. At the end of the appointment, he wrote a script for the blood tests the naturopath had requested. I trust the results will show her the next step in my recovery.

The Monthly Appointment - Tuesday, April 13, 2010

My monthly appointment with the naturopath came today. As usual, I made a list the night before of my questions, symptoms and ailments. Just to make sure I had not missed anything, I reviewed last month’s list. To my dismay, it looked the same as this month’s. I was disappointed at the thought of not making progress. However, when I mentioned it to the doctor, she checked her notes and remarked that my list of complaints was much shorter. She believed I had made both physical and emotional progress in the past month which was encouraging.

We then discussed the achiness in my joints as well as the digestive challenges. She instructed me to have the oncologist do some blood tests including a CBC, Ferratin (Iron storage), Vitamin D, CRP, and SED rate (inflammation levels). According to her experience, patients with low Vitamin D witness pain relief with a dosage of 6,000 I.U.’s per day. She also thought that Carlson’s Blood Nutrients would help alleviate the tiredness I am still feeling, but wanted to test me first before prescribing it. So, my vitamin regime will basically remain the same until the test results are conclusive. Unfortunately, this includes Sweetish Bitters by Gaia, a disgusting-tasting formula which aids digestion.....Ughhh!! I was hoping to ditch the stuff as soon as possible as it tastes horrible. (Or did I say that already?)

On the emotional front, the naturopath prescribed two amino acids, GABA and L-Theanine, to help me through the rough aftermath of the medical protocol. I am amazed how much these two amino acids have helped to restore emotional balance during this process.

Researching Dentists - Saturday, April 10, 2010

I must admit I have been hesitating starting the process of having the root canal taken out and mercury amalgams replaced. This phase of detoxing has seemed so overwhelming when I think of all that is involved. Apparently, not every dentist is skilled in doing either procedure, and it is therefore important to find one who understands what precautions need to be taken. The idea of researching which dentist and what the precautions are is almost as daunting as the procedures and detoxing afterwards. Thankfully, my friend, Gail, told me of a woman named Carol who has researched the subject thoroughly. I was told she would know what questions to ask a dentist in order to determine his/her qualifications in this area. So, today I called her and was glad I did. She actually has done some extensive research and was able to direct me to two dentists. She said one of them was excellent in removing root canals and the other for removing amalgam fillings. One of the dentists is located a half hour from home, and the other is only ninety minutes away. (Originally, I was directed to a dentist in New York City, so this was good news, indeed.) Carol also cautioned me to have the root canal taken out first, allow time for healing, then have the amalgam fillings removed in stages. All this advice helped me to formulate a battle plan. So, on Monday I will make the appointments. I will be glad to start the process as I believe this will really assist in removing some of the underlying causes of toxicity and expedite the healing process.

Abby Finds A New Home - Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Abby, the wig, was given a new home today. I had to drive a family member to Bryn Mawr Hospital this morning for a short medical procedure. Since I was in that area, I brought Abby, all her paraphernalia, and my chemo scarves along to donate to Bryn Mawr’s free wig program. Some of the scarves I had never worn, but they can now benefit another woman in need. However, giving Abby away was not as easy as I thought it would be. During my relative’s procedure, I made my way over to the Clothier Building. (It took questioning five different staff members to determine the location.) Then I walked the entire length of the first floor including the dialysis unit. When I could not find the office for the wig program, I went upstairs and walked through the halls of the respiratory program, then through the audit area, then back downstairs again. After one more trip to the dialysis unit a nurse helped me locate the correct room only to find it locked. At that point, it was time to return to check on my relative’s progress. Thankfully, a hospital volunteer called the extension for the wig program, and one of the staff came over to the short procedure unit to pick-up Abby.

As unusual as it sounds, it felt a little strange re-entering my apartment and seeing the place where I used to store Abby now empty. On many occasions, my sister reminded me to be grateful for having a wig that looked so natural. Although I was thankful for Abby’s services, I must admit that I resented having to wear her. I am also extremely glad to have my own hair back even if it is somewhat unruly due to the "chemo curl". Well, Abby, thank you, so long, and I hope you can assist another woman during her time of crisis.

Blessed Wishes - Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Easter (or Resurrection Day, as I prefer to call it) to all of you! May your day be fully blessed as we celebrate the resurrection of our Savior! Many thanks to all of you who have been reading this blog!

Unexpected Benefits - Friday, April 2, 2010

A couple of months ago I received a phone call from one of the owners of Martindale’s informing me that he was making a double payment for my insurance in the next paycheck. I had no idea what insurance he was referring to so I was a bit confused by the statement. After questioning him at length, I remembered that I had signed up for long-term disability insurance years ago and arranged for the payments to be automatically deducted from each paycheck. Within the policy was a provision for loss of work due to cancer, chemo, and radiation treatments. My boss gave me the number of the insurance company to confirm that I was eligible for these benefits. As it turns out, I am. Of course, there is the lengthy paperwork to be filled out and signed by everyone, including the janitor.:) :) :) Even though I was out of work for a relatively short period, the days lost exceeded two weeks altogether. So I will be receiving some reimbursement for the days I missed including those due to fever. Amazingly enough, the benefits are forfeited one year from the first day missed due to illness and that would have been May 1st. I am grateful to God that my boss took the time to tell me what he was doing or else I would have never remembered I even had a policy and the benefit would have been lost. As it stands I will be regaining at least some lost pay from last year. Thank God!

Opportunity To Learn - Wednesday, March 31, 2010

An invitation arrived this week for a seminar on cancer given by the Comprehensive Breast Center in Bryn Mawr. It is entitled, " A Recipe For Health." Because my surgeon is involved, I received the invitation. Normally, I would avoid attending that type of function for a number of reasons. However, I noticed one of the talks being given is on organic eating and cancer-fighting/causing foods. Apparently, there is controversy in the traditional medical sector whether or not food can cause or prevent cancer. I am interested in hearing what the latest medical research is regarding this subject. I would also like to establish some relationships with key persons in the medical field. Perhaps I could be a voice for alternative/complimentary medicine since I can directly attest to its benefits. So, I will be attending the event and reporting on what is shared. Hopefully, I can receive some valuable information and/or establish some mutually beneficial contacts.

Fuller Hair - Monday, March 29, 2010

More progress to report. My sister remarked that my hair now resembles a normal hairstyle rather than regrowth from chemo, although it still has the "chemo kink." Someone at work the other day also said that my hair looked "fuller." I received it as a compliment and was grateful for the feedback. Another item of note is that my fingernails have grown back in and are almost completely normal looking. Due to the Taxotere, they had developed deep ridges. For about six months they were very weak making it difficult to use them for anything due to chronic breakage. At this point, the ridges are barely visible at the tips of some of my fingers and are stronger. The oncologist had said that it was possible they would stay ridged so I am very glad to see they have not.