My former pastor used to say that you should give people their "flowers" while they can still enjoy them. In other words, tell those you love how much you appreciate them when they are alive. Though many have supported me during this time, on the occasion of my sister’s birthday, I want to give her the "flowers" due her.
Shortly after the diagnosis of cancer invaded my life, I had the opportunity to see just what a treasure my sister really is. Someone once said that a crisis reveals what is really inside a person, for it is when we are intensely pressured that the true content within us shines forth. What I have seen in her and experienced because of her has both astounded and amazed me. She has listened every time I cried, encouraged me, prayed for me, and tried to cheer me up when I was determined to be sad. She watched my hair fall out and still told me I was pretty. In short, she saw me at my worst and still stood by me. Not only that, she has also helped me with housework, traveled with me everywhere so I would not be alone, at times surprised me with flowers, rubbed my balding head, helped me financially, etc., etc., etc. The list could go on and on and I would still not be finished. A person like that is worth her weight in gold. If you have anyone like this in your life, show your appreciation for him or her. Since there is no better way to express it, happy birthday, Fran! You are the best!!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Progress - March 24, 2010
It has been happening without my being conscious of it. Just this week, I noticed that the inflammation which dominated my entire frame has slowly decreased. Instead of feeling like one huge ache from head to toe, the pain is now basically centered in my lower back and all my joints. Believe it or not, that is progress. It is wonderful to be able to bend down and grab a bottle of vitamins from a lower shelf for a customer and not feel like it is taking forever to do so. Thank God!
Attitude Of Gratitude - March 23, 2010
It was about a week ago that I saw one of our customers who is at present receiving chemo for ovarian cancer. I had the opportunity to help her a couple of months ago following her first treatment. After sharing what supplements helped me during my own protocol, I gave her the number of my naturopath and encouraged her to make an appointment. A month or so passed until the next time I saw her and I immediately noticed she looked better. Her eyes were brighter, and she seemed more energetic. However, last week, she told me that due to having a very low blood count, she had undergone a transfusion the day before. The amazing thing about it was that she did not complain as she related her story. Later that day as I recounted the incident to my sister, I burst into tears thinking about how much she was enduring. I think it is a testimony to her character to experience a challenge that difficult and not complain (even though I feel complaining would have been justified in that instance.) It also caused me to reflect on how grateful I should be for every blessing I have been given in life. As a society, I think we have forgotten, not only how to be thankful, but that we should be. (Please indulge my soapbox rhetoric.) If we took the time to think about it, I am sure we could remember someone who has a harder life than we do. No matter what you are experiencing right now, stop and take a moment to find something to be thankful for even if it is just for the fact that you are still alive. Thankful people are happier and are much easier to be around.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Perfect Timing - Sunday, March 21, 2010
Have you ever had a "God Moment?" It is a space in time when something unusual or amazing happens and the timing is so precise that it had to be God. I had one such moment today, but first some background information is needed.
For a number of months, I have been planning to host a "thank you" dinner for all the people who have accompanied me to chemo treatments, the doctor’s visits, etc. I wanted to do something special for each person who re-arranged his/her schedule or took time off from work in order to support me. The dinner is to be held at one of my favorite organic restaurants in the area. Planning has progressed steadily. On Friday, I needed to contact Elizabeth, the Events Coordinator, in order to make the final menu decisions. I e-mailed her, left a message on her cell and at the restaurant, all to no avail. I really wanted to complete the planning, but it seemed as though I had to wait until whenever she had time. Well, yesterday, I had a sudden desire to have lunch with my sister at said restaurant, but could not because of a prior appointment. So, we agreed to eat there today. After church, we drove there as planned. There was a twenty-minute wait to be seated, so my sister gave the hostess her cell number to call when our table was ready. We both meandered around the waiting area perusing books until her phone rang. As I made my way toward the dining room, I saw a woman talking on her cell seated at a table in the café area where patrons often enjoy coffee or desserts. As I passed by I heard her say, "Hello, so and so, this is Elizabeth....." I recognized the voice as that of the same Elizabeth who is the Events Coordinator for this restaurant. (We had never met in person, but had talked on the phone several times.) I wheeled around with a look of shock on my face, interrupted her and said, "Are you Elizabeth? I am Joan." "Joan Petrillo?", she asked. I nodded and then asked her to come to my table when she finished her phone conversation. She agreed to do so. To make a long story short, we finished planning the event to my satisfaction. She also gave me a nice break on the price. While we were talking, the waitress brought the bill and my sister busily calculated her portion. She then interrupted us to tell me that she could pay me in cash if I would put the bill on my credit card. At that point, Elizabeth told my sister that the restaurant usually pays for their client's lunch during planning meetings. Though my appointment was spontaneous, they paid for our meal anyway. So, a $25 lunch cost us only the tip. I left the restaurant completely amazed at the timing of the whole thing. You see, Elizabeth does not work on the weekends and only "happened" to be there for about a half an hour today. Had we eaten lunch there yesterday as desired, I would have never met her, nor enjoyed a free meal. All I can say is, God is so good!
For a number of months, I have been planning to host a "thank you" dinner for all the people who have accompanied me to chemo treatments, the doctor’s visits, etc. I wanted to do something special for each person who re-arranged his/her schedule or took time off from work in order to support me. The dinner is to be held at one of my favorite organic restaurants in the area. Planning has progressed steadily. On Friday, I needed to contact Elizabeth, the Events Coordinator, in order to make the final menu decisions. I e-mailed her, left a message on her cell and at the restaurant, all to no avail. I really wanted to complete the planning, but it seemed as though I had to wait until whenever she had time. Well, yesterday, I had a sudden desire to have lunch with my sister at said restaurant, but could not because of a prior appointment. So, we agreed to eat there today. After church, we drove there as planned. There was a twenty-minute wait to be seated, so my sister gave the hostess her cell number to call when our table was ready. We both meandered around the waiting area perusing books until her phone rang. As I made my way toward the dining room, I saw a woman talking on her cell seated at a table in the café area where patrons often enjoy coffee or desserts. As I passed by I heard her say, "Hello, so and so, this is Elizabeth....." I recognized the voice as that of the same Elizabeth who is the Events Coordinator for this restaurant. (We had never met in person, but had talked on the phone several times.) I wheeled around with a look of shock on my face, interrupted her and said, "Are you Elizabeth? I am Joan." "Joan Petrillo?", she asked. I nodded and then asked her to come to my table when she finished her phone conversation. She agreed to do so. To make a long story short, we finished planning the event to my satisfaction. She also gave me a nice break on the price. While we were talking, the waitress brought the bill and my sister busily calculated her portion. She then interrupted us to tell me that she could pay me in cash if I would put the bill on my credit card. At that point, Elizabeth told my sister that the restaurant usually pays for their client's lunch during planning meetings. Though my appointment was spontaneous, they paid for our meal anyway. So, a $25 lunch cost us only the tip. I left the restaurant completely amazed at the timing of the whole thing. You see, Elizabeth does not work on the weekends and only "happened" to be there for about a half an hour today. Had we eaten lunch there yesterday as desired, I would have never met her, nor enjoyed a free meal. All I can say is, God is so good!
The Teeth Factor- Friday, March 19, 2010
On Tuesday, I began the next step in the detox process by calling a dentist in New York City considered to be expert in reversing root canals and removing mercury amalgam fillings. (See my February 9th post on the subject.) Even though this phase feels somewhat daunting to me, I still need to proceed with it. I believe it would be less overwhelming, however, if the dentist were closer in proximity. So, I called the dentist’s office and asked if she knew anyone in my area who could do the job as well as she. I am still waiting. If I do not hear from her office by next week, I will call again. Meanwhile, the liver cleansing and Epsom salts baths continue.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Recovery Means Change - March 9, 2010
Today was my monthly appointment with the naturopath. As usual, I prepared the night before by compiling a current list of questions and concerns. Only this time, as I drove out of the parking lot, I suddenly realized that I left the paper containing my questions at home. I was already running late, but knew I would never be able to remember what was on the list. So I drove back to the entrance, ran up the three flights of stairs to my apartment again, and searched frantically for the notepad. Fortunately, I found it quickly, then raced back down the three flights of stairs which challenged the inflamed knee I have been nursing. Thankfully, I managed to arrive in one piece at the doctor’s office, albeit a few minutes late.
Much of the appointment was spent dealing with my expectations of recovering at a quicker pace physically as well as emotionally. My thought has been that everyone around me would expect me to be perfectly normal again right after radiation was finished. I have come to realize that the only one who did think that was me. (Everyone else apparently has more sense than I do.) There has also been a concern over how to handle stress now that this challenge has occurred in my life. It obviously calls for learning more positive ways to do so. First, the naturopath had some really simple, yet helpful, suggestions to add to my routine as my digestive system repairs and I regain strength. One was that I chew my food thoroughly. She even instructed me to put my fork down between bites in order to re-train myself. As I said, it may sound simple, but the more we chew our food the less work our bodies have to do in order to digest. This helps to preserve the body’s energy. I must admit that most often I eat too quickly either due to lack of time or because the food tastes so good I cannot wait until the next bite. (Little "piggy" would be the appropriate word to describe the latter.) Second, she recommended some supplements for dealing with stress as well as drinking chamomile tea every night. Chamomile is not only a relaxing tea, but it also aids digestion. The last prescription she gave was permission to rest every day. I have to say that I needed her to say this as it forces me to do so. This seems to be one of the hardest aspects of recovering from such a challenge, at least for me. However, I believe even this can change.
Along the aforementioned lines, I think that one blessing in this challenge of cancer is that it affords the individual the opportunity to really examine his/her life. This is something the average person usually does not do when faced with a lesser threat. In other words, because of the seriousness of the disease, you realize that you arrived at this place by some means. The "means" could be poor diet, unhealthy emotions, stress, grief, chronic lack of rest, environment, heredity, etc, etc. I think that to walk through this kind of crisis and live the same way afterwards is one of the greatest mistakes a person can make. It would actually be a tragedy not to use this experience as a tool for change, because what brought about disease once, except possibly in the case of heredity, can do so again. Hence, my desire to learn how to better handle stress as well as learn to relax more. So, let me encourage all of you who have never faced this challenge, to learn from the life of another. Scrutinize yourselves along these lines, and change whatever is unhealthy. You will be glad in the long run that you took the time.
Much of the appointment was spent dealing with my expectations of recovering at a quicker pace physically as well as emotionally. My thought has been that everyone around me would expect me to be perfectly normal again right after radiation was finished. I have come to realize that the only one who did think that was me. (Everyone else apparently has more sense than I do.) There has also been a concern over how to handle stress now that this challenge has occurred in my life. It obviously calls for learning more positive ways to do so. First, the naturopath had some really simple, yet helpful, suggestions to add to my routine as my digestive system repairs and I regain strength. One was that I chew my food thoroughly. She even instructed me to put my fork down between bites in order to re-train myself. As I said, it may sound simple, but the more we chew our food the less work our bodies have to do in order to digest. This helps to preserve the body’s energy. I must admit that most often I eat too quickly either due to lack of time or because the food tastes so good I cannot wait until the next bite. (Little "piggy" would be the appropriate word to describe the latter.) Second, she recommended some supplements for dealing with stress as well as drinking chamomile tea every night. Chamomile is not only a relaxing tea, but it also aids digestion. The last prescription she gave was permission to rest every day. I have to say that I needed her to say this as it forces me to do so. This seems to be one of the hardest aspects of recovering from such a challenge, at least for me. However, I believe even this can change.
Along the aforementioned lines, I think that one blessing in this challenge of cancer is that it affords the individual the opportunity to really examine his/her life. This is something the average person usually does not do when faced with a lesser threat. In other words, because of the seriousness of the disease, you realize that you arrived at this place by some means. The "means" could be poor diet, unhealthy emotions, stress, grief, chronic lack of rest, environment, heredity, etc, etc. I think that to walk through this kind of crisis and live the same way afterwards is one of the greatest mistakes a person can make. It would actually be a tragedy not to use this experience as a tool for change, because what brought about disease once, except possibly in the case of heredity, can do so again. Hence, my desire to learn how to better handle stress as well as learn to relax more. So, let me encourage all of you who have never faced this challenge, to learn from the life of another. Scrutinize yourselves along these lines, and change whatever is unhealthy. You will be glad in the long run that you took the time.
Busted - Monday, March 8, 2010
Once the wig came off, I did not want to put it on again for any reason whatsoever. However, there are times when it becomes necessary to do something you dislike for the "greater good". In this case, the "greater good" being deception. When I first received the diagnosis of cancer I did not want to tell anyone, not even some of my immediate family, let alone the relatives. In fact, I waited to tell most of the staff any details until after the operation. It was a very hard thing for me to talk about as I am sure some of you can understand. In regard to my relatives, I did not want to be the next story to discuss although they are not the gossiping kind. A few knew of my challenge because someone in my immediate family told them, but thankfully, they were able to keep a secret. Then came Sunday. My sister and I were to attend the viewing of my cousin’s mother-in-law. I had intended to wear "Abby" in order not to arouse suspicion, but I was lamenting it. At the last minute I asked my sister if she thought I forego wearing the wig and still look "normal." (You know, as if I purposefully had cut my hair really short.) She thought I could, so off we went to the funeral parlor sans "Abby." It was the usual Italian-American viewing, a lot of people talking and laughing loudly. Even if you shout to the person next to you, it is difficult to be heard. I actually prefer this type of wake because people are enjoying each other even though they are grieving. Anyway, everything was going as planned, meaning my relatives seemed to believe I was wearing a newer, shorter "do" on purpose until my cousin, the nurse, walked in the door. In hindsight, I should have left before she arrived as planned and my charade would have been successful. But, no, I had the "gabbies" and wanted to keep chatting with my cousins and aunt. Big mistake. The first thing she said upon seeing me was, "Are you alright?" I was a little puzzled by the remark, but answered that I was fine. She then became distracted by a remark made by someone in line. I mistakenly thought that was the end of it. Later, as I hugged her goodbye, she asked if I had been in the hospital. Well......there was nothing left to do but confess. When I asked her how she knew, she pointed to my hair and then reminded me that she was a nurse of thirty years and was trained to read people. To my surprise, she had worked as an oncology nurse with my surgeon and even named one of her sons after him. At that point, the term "small world" came to mind. One good thing was that she understood my desire that the rest of the family not know what had happened. However, when we left I could not help but lament the fact that I had been "busted."
Sunday, March 7, 2010
A Different Feeling - Thursday, March 4, 2010
Every Thursday our store receives the largest shipment of the week from our main supplier. By just after 6 a.m., the aisles are loaded with boxes of product piled high. The staff then spends the next six to eight hours opening those boxes and re-stocking the shelves as quickly as possible before the store becomes busy with customers. In short, I would know it was Thursday upon walking through the front door even if I did not have access to a calendar. For the last couple of months, I have also known it was Thursday by the intensity of the aches and pains I feel when I get out of bed as they are always the most severe on that day. If you will recall, in an earlier blog I talked about the cycle of detoxing that has evolved recently. Due to that cycle, around the end of the week, which happens to be Thursday, I feel achy. Well, today I managed to avoid that all over achy feeling. I believe it was because I increased the liver cleansing to twice a week per the naturopath’s approval. So, instead of feeling like a truck ran over me, I was actually able to complete one of the busiest days of the week and still remain standing. Thank God for this as it is quite a challenge to keep a hectic pace when your body is not cooperating. By the way, I see the naturopath on Tuesday. Let’s see what is next on the horizon in terms of recovery.
Revealed - Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Well, I did it today. I went to work without "Abby" the wig. It was one of those quiet decisions you come to in life. I looked at my hair in the mirror this morning and thought I might be able to finally put the wig to rest. So, I pulled out my gel and tried to tame the "chemo curl" that has attacked my head of late. This time, however, I trimmed the hair that kept sticking straight up and put an extra slab of gel on it, then I drove to work. I called Marilyn from the parking lot and asked her to meet me at my car. I thought it would be a good idea to get a second opinion on the matter. God bless Marilyn. She walked outside in the cold without a jacket in order to inspect my hair. She thought it looked short, but left the decision to me. So, I asked her to send Lea out to the parking lot as well. I figured since she is a hairdresser, she would give me an honest opinion. She gave me the "go ahead."
I have walked into the backroom at Martindale’s probably thousands of times over the years feeling a myriad of emotions. This morning was almost indescribable. A little bit of trepidation that people would think I look like a boy rather than a girl, joy over finally being able to walk outside without the wig, etc. But, no matter what feelings I had, it was a moment I will never forget. Most of the staff did a double-take, a few did not seem to notice. Later, I ceremoniously presented "Abby" to Mark, the Sales Manager, as a "reward" for all his hard work at Martindale’s. :) :) :) :) It did not surprise me that he actually put her on his head. To tell you the truth, it was a bit maddening because he looked pretty good wearing her. He reminded me of Paul McCartney circa 1968. People were taking pictures of him. This kind of thing is an unusual event at Martindale’s. One you would want to capture on camera for posterity, or more likely, for bribery at a later date. Then, an amazing thing happened. Mark actually walked out into the store in order to show the staff working on the sales floor his new look. Mike, Chris, and Heather looked at him in shock. I have to say it is a secure man who can do something like that!
All day customers kept asking me if I had gotten my hair cut. Well, not exactly..... Anyway, I am getting used to having such short hair, at least, for now. It is amazing how easy it is to take care of at this length. Even though I still feel that I resemble a guy, a number of people, male and female alike, have remarked that this length looks cute. One last note, I am thinking of donating "Abby" to Bryn Mawr Hospital’s free wig program in order to help another woman undergoing chemo. I am sure "she" will do as good a job for someone else as "she" did for me.
I have walked into the backroom at Martindale’s probably thousands of times over the years feeling a myriad of emotions. This morning was almost indescribable. A little bit of trepidation that people would think I look like a boy rather than a girl, joy over finally being able to walk outside without the wig, etc. But, no matter what feelings I had, it was a moment I will never forget. Most of the staff did a double-take, a few did not seem to notice. Later, I ceremoniously presented "Abby" to Mark, the Sales Manager, as a "reward" for all his hard work at Martindale’s. :) :) :) :) It did not surprise me that he actually put her on his head. To tell you the truth, it was a bit maddening because he looked pretty good wearing her. He reminded me of Paul McCartney circa 1968. People were taking pictures of him. This kind of thing is an unusual event at Martindale’s. One you would want to capture on camera for posterity, or more likely, for bribery at a later date. Then, an amazing thing happened. Mark actually walked out into the store in order to show the staff working on the sales floor his new look. Mike, Chris, and Heather looked at him in shock. I have to say it is a secure man who can do something like that!
All day customers kept asking me if I had gotten my hair cut. Well, not exactly..... Anyway, I am getting used to having such short hair, at least, for now. It is amazing how easy it is to take care of at this length. Even though I still feel that I resemble a guy, a number of people, male and female alike, have remarked that this length looks cute. One last note, I am thinking of donating "Abby" to Bryn Mawr Hospital’s free wig program in order to help another woman undergoing chemo. I am sure "she" will do as good a job for someone else as "she" did for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
