Change Of Plan - Thursday, January 28, 2010

This morning I received the phone call I have been waiting for these past six weeks. It was the Supervisor of Radiology, Rodel, calling to say the radiation machine was broken. I tried to hide my glee and sound concerned. He asked if I wanted to cancel for today, but that would postpone my last day of treatment. It was a thought I did not want to entertain. So, we agreed that he would call as soon as the machine was fixed, which turned out to be about eleven o’clock. We rescheduled for 12:15 p.m. However, the strangest thing happened en route. It sounded like a rock hit underneath the car a couple of times. Then the muffler began sounding as if it had become disconnected. I wondered if the car was going to make it to my appointment. Thankfully, it did. Upon my return to work, I dropped the car off at the mechanic’s on the corner. About two hours later, I had a $258 car bill. According to the mechanic, something hit the oxygenator sensor connected to the catalytic converter and knocked it out of position. Because it was dangling from the car and being dragged along the street for five miles, it was completely destroyed and had to be replaced. I guess I won’t be happy if the radiation machine breaks down again as that was the most expensive appointment I have had to date. Twenty-nine treatments down, four to go.

Six Month Checkup - Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Today was my six-month checkup with the surgeon. (I cannot believe it has already been six months since the operation, but it has.) So, after my radiation treatment, a dear friend accompanied me to see the surgeon. As soon as I saw this doctor again, I was reminded why I wanted to adopt him as a dad. He has such an amazing bedside manner. It still impresses me. Anyway, after the exam, we talked. He asked what supplements I was taking. As usual, when asked that question my mind seemed to go blank, and I struggled to remember all of them. He smiled and waited patiently while I tried to list them. Finally, I offered to bring him a copy the next time I saw him as the list will change when radiation is finished. During the appointment, he told me several times that he thought I was doing great and that I looked great. (It was nice to hear that, even if only from a clinical standpoint.) He also said that he wanted to see me in six months in order to decide what kind of follow-up plan he wants to pursue, whether mammograms only, or mammograms accompanied by MRI’s. At that point, I said that I would rather use thermograms as a means of aftercare. (They are less toxic to the body then mammograms or MRI’s.) He smiled knowingly as if to say, "I expected you would try to avoid a mammogram." Then he explained that the Comprehensive Breast Center was not set-up to use thermography. However, they could use infrared testing, only it would have to be in conjunction with mammograms and/or MRI’s. He explained that my score on the infrared test was a "three" the last time. The score he wanted me to have was "zero." When I reminded him that the test was performed before my operation, he smiled again and reiterated that my score still should have been a "zero." So, I am certain he will be recommending, at the least, mammograms as a follow-up procedure when I see him in six months.

One other thing he mentioned that I found surprising was that he felt I came through the TC (Taxotere/Cytoxan) chemo treatment very well. In his opinion, it was a tough protocol. I was under the assumption that the AC (Adriamycyn/Taxol/Cytoxan) treatment was much more difficult, so it somewhat jarred me when he made that statement. I had not realized how tough he thought the TC was. As we parted, he gave me a fatherly hug and said again how great I was doing. I wonder if I really could adopt him. :) :) :)

Self-Doubt - Tuesday, January 26, 2010

We frequently receive phone calls at Martindale’s inquiring about our products. Sometimes the callers request recommendations about which ones would provide the best support for specific conditions. I handled one such phone call last week regarding which formula would provide the best support for inflammation. Sometimes after sharing my product knowledge with customers, I like to confer with our Sales Manager, Mark Stayton, in order to gain his viewpoint. After this particular conversation, I asked Mark what he thought would be a really good support formula in that type of situation. In the course of our discussion, he reminded me that Wobenzym, one of the original enzyme formulas ever made, is used as a cancer protocol in Europe. According to his research, it is used in high dosages in a number of clinics along with wheatgrass juice, raw food and other natural therapies. That was all I needed to hear to make my mind start questioning my treatment decisions again. It is as if a whirlwind of thoughts forms in my brain. This is still an emotional subject for me in that I wonder if there was some way I could have avoided the operation and chemotherapy. The questions revolve around and around. "Maybe I should have taken a different approach. Maybe if I had taken another set of products like Graviola or Maitake and Proteolytic enzymes instead of what I did take the outcome would have been different." I found myself choking back tears at the thought that, perhaps, I would not be dealing with the things I am facing if I could have done more research at the time. The problem was that when a diagnosis like cancer comes you feel so overwhelmed that thinking becomes a chore. I do not know if Mark read the look on my face. But a moment passed, then he turned back to me and added that, in the case of aggressive tumors, some type of medical intervention is necessary; namely, an operation or chemo. I breathed a sigh of relief because the tumor I had was very aggressive. The original surgeon told me emphatically that the size tumor I had, which had grown in less than ten months, usually took five years to form. I guess I need to keep trusting that God really was guiding me and will continue to do so.

Light At The End Of The Tunnel - Friday, January 22, 2010

Today’s radiation appointment was a banner one. This marked my twenty-fifth treatment. The significance of this is that the whole area treatments are finished, and beginning next week, only the surgical site will be radiated for eight days. Then the medical protocol will be complete. Both the supervisor and the technician assured me that I was now permitted to remove the three oval plastic stickers that have been stuck to my skin for the past five and a half weeks. (They served as markers for the laser beams.) I am also allowed to wash off all the purple "dot-dash" marks on my skin. I waited until I entered the dressing room and proceeded to rip those stickers off and throw them in the trash can. It made me feel like doing a somersault, although I managed to keep my dignity and not do so. I have to say, it was a great feeling. Twenty-five treatments down, eight to go.

More Progress - Thursday, January 21, 2010

Today, I decided not to put the ace bandage on my knee. I thought I would see if I could work all day without it. I lasted almost until the end of the day before the pain returned. I also noticed I was able to walk down the three flights of stairs in my apartment building this morning (we have no elevator) without pain. That is definitely an encouraging sign. So I will continue the Epsom salts baths and skin brushing.

An Ugly Burn Mark - Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The burn mark is, as expected, looking worse these days. The skin looks just like charred flesh under my arm. An unusual thing started happening recently regarding it as well. Every time I applied the aloe gel, I noticed that it would run down my side like water. I kept wondering if the bottle needed to be shaken so I would do so then re-apply some, only to observe the same results. It finally dawned on me that my skin is so burnt that the gel is unable to soak into the tissues. So I have to apply less and keep massaging it into the skin until it becomes soft enough not to run off the surface like water. It amazes me that it still does not hurt, but I am so thankful for this. I am suspicious that it is due to the two different beta glucan supplements I have been taking that help protect the body from the negative effects of radiation. However, I will need to confirm that with the naturopath the next time I see her.

More Tattoos - Tuesday, January 19, 2010

If I had to describe my radiation appointment today, I would have compared it to a beehive. There I lay on the strange table that moves up and down trying to get through what has been my daily routine of late. As I lay there, it seemed like the entire radiology team swarmed about me measuring places on my skin, maneuvering the table, positioning and re-positioning the massive radiation machine, etc. Then, several of them hovered over me painting strange marks on my skin with that lovely toxic green paint that I have become so fond of. (That is tongue in cheek, of course.) Finally, one of the technicians told me that the radiologist would have to confirm that the new marks on my skin lined up perfectly with the radiology equipment. So, in he came, inspecting everything and, thankfully, approving their work lest I would have to lie there even longer. So, at this point, I think I will adopt the nickname "Biker Babe" because I have about as many tattoos, albeit temporary, to warrant that title and I also own the mandatory leather jacket. Twenty-two treatments down, eleven to go.

The Fountain Of Youth - Friday, January 15, 2010

I started incorporating the Epsom salts baths and skin brushing Tuesday evening into my daily routine. At least I have been attempting to make it a daily routine. Sometimes life's obligations interfere with the ability to be consistent. Nonetheless, I have been able to do several rounds of each. Interestingly enough, very early this morning, while still in a semi-conscious state, I noticed that my elbows were not achy. That may not seem like anything noteworthy to someone else, but to me, it was a sign of progress in the battle against inflammation. However, the rest of my body was a different story. But the good news is that, as I got out of bed today, instead of feeling 86 years old, I only felt eighty. Perhaps the fountain of youth is not so much related to age-reversal as it is to anti-inflammation.

What A Relief - January 14, 2010

Today was my weekly visit with both the doctor and the nurse. After each examined the area being radiated, they both concluded I was doing “very well.” Since there is a several inches in diameter burn mark under my right armpit, I asked if either of them actually looked at the burn. Both of them responded that in comparison to the other patients, mine looked really good. I guess that is something to be grateful for, in addition to the fact that it still does not hurt.

Emotional help arrived today in the form of a couple named Bill and MaryLou, who are dear customers of Martindale’s. Each of them has experienced cancer in years past. As soon as I saw MaryLou, I described what I had been feeling for a while and asked her if she had ever felt the same. She explained that she had not needed radiation, but that her husband Bill had, and that he had been depressed during it. So, I asked Bill about his experience and was grateful for his honesty. I do not know how to describe what a weight was lifted from me when I heard that he had the same challenges. There is something about hearing when another person has faced the same difficulty and overcome it that really helps. It was then that I actually did feel normal, at least, for the present situation.

True Confessions - January 13, 2010

Today was rough emotionally, to say the least. I think I would have cried if someone told me I had brown eyes, which, by the way, I do. Meaning, I was really feeling sensitive about everything. Sometimes, it is difficult to hide it. Today, it was impossible to do so, which made me feel even worse. So, I cried quite a bit throughout the day. Then I beat myself over the head emotionally for good measure, because, hey, it seemed like a good idea at the time. By nighttime, I was thoroughly exhausted by the emotional overdrive I was experiencing compounded by bewilderment over my own state of mind. So, I prayed to the Lord that if He could do anything with me, I was giving Him permission to do so. By that time, it was about all I could do.

Monthly Appointment - January 12, 2010

Today, I had my monthly appointment with the naturopath. I had so many questions to ask that I was a little concerned there would not be enough time to ask all of them. Thankfully, we did manage to cover everything. As she examined my most recent bloodwork, she concluded that my digestive system was still showing the need for repair. As a matter of fact, according to her, a good number of the physical symptoms I have been experiencing related directly back to my digestive system. She also thought the chiropractor’s suggestion regarding Epsom salts baths and skin brushing were appropriate forms of detoxing at this point in the protocol. So she gave me instructions regarding how to incorporate them into my present regime. Apparently, Epsom salts baths are especially good for achy joints and/or inflammation.

We also discussed the radiologist’s concern over the 2000 mg. of Vitamin C and the 800 IU. of Vitamin E I am taking per day. The naturopath said she was aware that might pose a problem to him, and why it would, but that she still believed these dosages would be fine for me to take during radiation. Lastly, I told her about the unusual changes in mood I have been experiencing ever since I began radiation. I have been wondering about myself because of how hard this part of the protocol has been on my emotions. It especially concerned me because the radiologist told me his patients regularly reported that his treatment was a “piece of cake” compared to chemo. This has definitely not been the case for me. As far as my emotions are concerned, it has been much more taxing and I have not been able to figure out why. Some days, part of me wants to scream at the people around me, “Do you understand how hard what I am dealing with is? Leave me alone!” I have especially wanted to say this whenever anyone comes to me with a problem he or she expects me to fix. The strange thing is that the other part of me feels that person’s problem is important and really does want to help him or her. Thankfully, the naturopath could empathize with what I was feeling. She reminded me that this diagnosis is probably one of the hardest things I will ever face and that no one could understand what it feels like unless he or she faces it personally. Sometimes I really need this drummed into my head so I stop demanding so much of myself. (Actually, it is a voice from my childhood that tells me I am not allowed to have a problem, but that is for another blog on another day.) So, based on this, she prescribed an herbal combination to assist with these feelings and another formula to help me go through the current detoxing process easier. At that point, I asked her how I was doing in comparison to the rest of her patients. She said, physically-speaking, I was doing much better than most. However, in terms of my emotions, I registered in the middle compared to the rest of her clients. She also said the emotional ups and downs I have been feeling were pretty normal for this situation. That made me feel a little better, but not for long. The last question I had was about how much time the process would take to finish detoxing from the chemo, radiation, etc. Her estimate was the same as my guess – about a year.

The Achiness Continues - Sunday, January 10, 2009

It feels like the achiness is becoming more pronounced, especially during the morning hours. Sometimes I feel like I have aged about thirty years in a couple of weeks. What puzzles me so deeply is that this side-effect to the chemo has only appeared in the last few weeks. I would have assumed, if anything, that I would start feeling this way immediately after the treatments ended, not two months later. All the more reason for me to continue with the process of detoxing my liver each weekend.

On Friday, the chiropractor suggested adding hot baths with Epsom salts as well as using a dry brush in addition to the liver detoxing. The Epsom salts draw toxins to the surface of the skin, which is, by the way, a major eliminatory organ. Dry brushing stimulates the lymph nodes and helps move toxins out of the colon. I have an appointment with the naturopath on Tuesday and will be discussing incorporating both these suggestions into my daily routine. Sometimes it seems a little overwhelming. However, in this case, the alternative, chronic achiness, even if it is temporary, is something I am unwilling to accept.

Weekly Report- Saturday, January 9, 2009

Each Thursday the radiologist and the nurse check my progress. This week, after examining me, they both said I was doing well. I was grateful to hear it. During her examination, the nurse asked if I had any pain in the area being treated. At this point, I do not, but I mentioned feeling achy all over. She made no comment. After the radiologist performed his exam, he said that I would probably only see some minor side-effects toward the end of the treatment time. More news for which to be grateful. However, today I noticed a burn mark under my right arm, the area where people commonly see such side-effects. Thankfully, it looks worse than it feels. Fifteen treatments down, eighteen to go.

The Aftermath Of Chemo - Friday, January 1, 2010

I feel like one big ache from head to foot. For the past couple of weeks, I have been wearing an ace bandage around my right knee, which I injured while innocently making my bed the weekend before my fourth chemo treatment. Because I contracted a fever soon afterward, it was two weeks before the chiropractor could adjust it. It seemed to get better with treatment, but not completely. Walking seven hours a day on sometimes uneven pavements as well as up and down stairs in Rome only exacerbated the problem. As a result, kneeling and climbing stairs have been challenging. Someone who had cancer a number of years ago once told me that for a year after chemo, she felt achy all over her body. I have been feeling the same way. That sparked my thinking. I wondered if chemo causes inflammation, which would lie at the root of the pain in my knee and possibly be the reason for the slow progress in healing. I thought that it would be a better course of action to address the underlying inflammation rather than only trying to manage the symptoms. I talked to the naturopath about it, and she confirmed the fact that I am, indeed, inflamed due to the chemo. She believed I was less so due to the diet I have been following, but nonetheless, still inflamed. So she instructed me to take Zyflamend and to put heat and cold on my knee several times in succession as often as I needed. (The heat, then cold, forces blood into the traumatized area, which induces healing.) She also reminded me to drink even more water than I normally would because of the inflammation. During my last appointment, the naturopath had also told me I could begin detoxifying my liver once a week. So I started doing that a few weeks ago. My thinking, and the naturopath agrees, is that if I can take some of the burden off my liver, my body will be able to heal faster.

All of the above brings me to another subject. At this point I want to encourage everyone reading this blog to be active as well as proactive in your health. Study all you can about nutrition and health. Do not be afraid to ask questions and keep asking them until you find the right answers. You are the only one who lives in your body, so you reap the benefit or pay the consequences of your choices. Think about HOW you want to enter your senior years, either healthy or sickly, and act accordingly. I do not believe anyone can afford to be passive when it comes to his or her health. I began making as many right choices as I knew to make a number of years ago. Who knows if I would not have been attacked with cancer at a much earlier age if I had not. (As I mentioned in the beginning of this blog, my sister was diagnosed with invasive cancer at thirty and died at thirty-five years old.) Anyway, I have actively participated in this entire process from the beginning until now and will continue to do so. I considered what the doctors advised, consulted with the naturopath as well as other practitioners and utilized my own learning. I simply urge all of you to do the same thing -- take charge of your own health. During a health seminar, a doctor told a group of us that it is not a physician’s job to fix people. He was correct. No doctor or practitioner can force anyone to eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, avoid destructive relationships, deal with their emotional issues, etc. Any and all of the aforementioned can contribute to disease. If that is the case, then we must take responsibility for our own choices and seek God’s guidance in making them. Well, I guess I will get off my soapbox now and go take a nap before dinner. Thank you for reading. I hope it ignites your thinking.

Side Effects - Thursday, December 31, 2009

Last night, I noticed a redness on my chest in the area being radiated. Among other symptoms, the doctor told me that some of the side effects of radiation could be localized redness or rash. By morning, it disappeared. The technicians told me people commonly report this reaction. Regardless, it looked ugly, but thankfully, did not hurt. Ten down, twenty-three treatments to go.