Abby Goes To Rome - Monday, November 23, 2009

Abby (the wig) and I will be traveling to Rome today. I wanted to leave her home, but, alas, I need her services during this trip. So, we will be eating pizza and pasta and lots of vegetables together in the eternal city for the next two weeks. If I can access a computer during this time, I will be posting while I am away. But, if not, I will talk to you all when I arrive home. See you later, and arrivederci for now!

Weight Gain - Thursday, November 19, 2009

I have both good and bad news to report. It was last January, when I discovered a sudden drop in weight that disturbed me. Since I have always had a very stable metabolism holding the same weight for more than a decade at a time, the sudden shift seemed unusual. I went to the doctor and had blood work done, but it came back normal. I now believe that the cancer was the underlying cause. By the time of the operation, I had lost seven pounds. That may not seem like much to some, but it was enough to make others, as well as me, take notice of the change in my frame. The naturopath was concerned that I would drop more weight during chemo because it causes many to lose their appetite. To circumvent this, she prescribed whey protein. However, since I never lost my appetite during the entire time of chemo, I ate to my heart’s content. Because I weighed less than the top poundage I allow myself, I was also looking forward to "porking out" while in Rome. However, a few days ago, I weighed myself and discovered that I had gained back those seven lost pounds. So, although I view this as another testimony to the faithfulness of God, I am a little disappointed that I now have to exercise some restraint while on vacation. I just hope all the walking we will do will burn enough calories to balance the wonderful food I plan to eat. A small but unhappy dilemma, indeed!

More About Radiation - Wednesday, November 18, 2009

There are a couple of significant things about the radiology appointment that I forgot to mention in my last blog. One of the questions in the paperwork that I found interesting said, "What do you expect radiation to do?" Marge, my nurse friend who had accompanied me, answered, "To cure you." But I could not write that because I do not believe it. So I wrote that I expected it to kill cancer cells. That was closer to my expectation than anything else. You may wonder what the difference is between the two statements. To me, the difference is significant. I believe, both from my reading and training, that cancer is an end manifestation of a many-faceted cause. The reasons may be different for each individual, but the results are the same. So the chemo or radiation can not cure the original problem, because it only addresses the results. I believe that it is my responsibility to continue to seek God and be open to what may have been the cause(s). Then and only then, do I believe that I can be "cured."

The second item of note was the fact that the doctor told me he usually recommends treatment a minimum of two weeks after chemo, so it was good that I was taking my vacation prior to the start of radiation. Apparently, he does not like any interruptions to the protocol, especially a two week one. According to him, that long a time period would necessitate additional treatments, which would not have made me happy. On the other hand, the medical oncologist had said that a two week vacation would not weaken the effectiveness of the chemo cycles. So, in my mind, it was another confirmation that God’s guidance was in the planning of this trip.

Third Phase - Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Today, I had my introductory appointment with the radiology oncologist. His bedside manner, as with my other physicians, is great. During the session, he explained the usual opinions I have heard from the previous doctors, that according to standard protocol in the U.S.A., I need radiation.

The treatment is to last 33 sessions, not 30 as I was originally told. It is a very targeted protocol that will only affect the right breast, the original site infected. He said that the reason the dosage is spread out over a six and a half week time period is so that the DNA of all healthy cells present in the breast can repair themselves in a 24 hour period. Apparently, any unhealthy, or diseased cells, would not be capable of such repair. So, as I understand it, that is how radiation destroys cancer cells. In the process, though, it creates free radicals in the local area. After explaining this, the radiologist made a statement that was very helpful to me. He said that there is no proof that taking mega dosages of vitamins C and E will interfere with or hinder the success of the radiation treatment. He stated that there is a theory that it does, but no proof. That statement indicated to me he has an open mind to alternative medicine. I was correct, too, because he then said he did not have a problem with my taking supplements. He just wanted me to give him a list for his general information. That made me a happy camper, at least as happy as one can be who has to take radiation.

Apparently, the side-effects are less dangerous than with chemo and more confined to one local area. For instance, there is the possibility of itchiness, dryness and a change in pigmentation during the time of treatment, which should gradually fade after a few weeks. The good thing about it is that the protocol only takes about twenty minutes each day and I do not have to go on Christmas or New Year’s. According to this, I should be finished by the end of January.

What To Do - Monday, November 16, 2009

I picked up a message from the naturopath late in the day suggesting I drink dandelion tea and have my sister massage my calves, which she was kind enough to do. She also recommended that I try to stay off my feet as much as possible. This is rather difficult to achieve when you work retail. At this point, the swelling has decreased somewhat, but is not completely gone. I am still taking the Turmeric, but as yet have to purchase the dandelion tea. I am glad there has been some improvement though.

Inflammation - Sunday, November 15, 2009

An odd thing occurred today. Around the twelfth or thirteenth days of the last couple of cycles of chemo, I noticed some water retention in my ankles which disappeared by the next day. I attributed it to the Turmeric I have been taking for inflammation. However, the naturopath removed that herb from my list of supplements, so I had not had any since Tuesday morning. Well, this morning, I looked down at my ankles during church and noticed that they had disappeared. More than that, my right leg started to feel funny and my toes felt like little pork sausages inside my high heels. When church was over, I made it a point to ask for prayer. This afternoon, I called the naturopath and left a message. I also started back on the Turmeric in an attempt to address the inflammation. My prayer is that the swelling will quickly diminish as I do not like the idea of water retention.

Destination, Rome - Thursday, November 12, 2009

In December 2007, just before my mom passed on, I announced to my sister that, if Mom died, I was going to travel to Italy. I reasoned that after dealing with her three month ordeal in the hospital, I should finally make the trip I had been dreaming of for years. A few months later, my brother and sister-in-law expressed interest in going, but then changed their minds. So, my plans to go in 2008 failed and I found myself at Brigantine beach rather than in Florence.

In December 2008, however, my brother and sister-in-law’s interest in the trip re-ignited and we began to seriously consider some really appealing cruises. Something odd happened during January though. My brother, who definitely carries my father’s genes in that he is ever in search of a "great deal", started sending us e-mails about cruises to less than desirable places. You have to understand that the goal was Italy, so a trip to Egypt or Turkey was just not an option. My sister and I grew more concerned as the cruises became more and more exotic and the number of days in Italy grew fewer and fewer. By February, we knew we had to "reel him in." So, one Sunday, we staged an East-West coast planning session via the internet and our cell phones. After much discussion, my brother conceded to research what a two week stay in one Italian city would be like. So, we chose Rome. Then the challenge was to find a suitable hotel. Finally, my brother found a beautiful one near the Metro station and the Colosseum. As we all viewed the website, Steve found enough amenities to consider the hotel a "good enough deal." So, it was settled.

Originally, my brother wanted to travel during the month of April but neither my sister nor I felt ready to travel that soon. When we decided on the two week stay, we chose November because the rates would be less expensive. The amazing thing is that none of us knew at the time what would happen in the next two months. It was in April that I was diagnosed and I either would have had to cancel the trip or would never have been able to enjoy it. Nor did we have any way of knowing that I would finish chemo three weeks before our scheduled vacation, giving me enough time to recuperate after the last treatment. I truly believe that God had a hand in the planning of this trip guiding us without our conscious knowledge. The timing is just too precise for me not to think this. Anyway, no matter what anyone else thinks, I am grateful as I would not have wanted to travel while in the middle of the chemo treatment. So, in a few short days, I will be saying, "Arrivederci, Martindale's" and, "Ciao, Roma."

Post Chemo - Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Today, I had my appointment with the naturopath. She reviewed my blood work from the last chemo treatment and found that, at this time, I am not absorbing my B vitamins as well as I should. Also, my red blood cell count was still low even though I have been taking more of the Marrow Plus supplement. However, in reviewing the blood work from before the operation, I realized that my red blood cell count was normal at the time of the diagnosis. I asked the naturopath whether the low count was due to the operation, the installation of the port one month after, then the administration of chemo. It was my thought that, because of these events, my body was unable to recoup its red blood cell levels. She thought that was a reasonable explanation. It helped to know this because I was concerned that anemia had been present all along. Also, she did not seem to think it was necessary to take anything special to help with the B vitamin malabsorption. In other words, in time and minus the interference of chemo, she believes my body will right itself.

Then the topic turned to establishing a new protocol for post-chemo and the trip to Rome. To make a long discussion short, the doctor gave me a great gift. She said that, while in Rome, I can eat cheese with dinner. She also said that for every chicken/turkey meal I have, I need to balance it with a purely vegetarian meal. In addition to this, I have been ordered to have at least one gelato and one tiramisu while I am there. I do not know how that news would effect anyone else, but I was ready to do a jig in her office. Until this time, I have been restricted to chicken or turkey twice and one or two slices of cheese per week. To tell you the truth, I really did not care as much about the permission to have dessert as I did about eating meat and cheese whenever I desired. According to her and others, the food in Italy is in season, local, and bio-dynamically grown. So even though it may not all be organic, it is generally healthy. Hence, my excitement knew no bounds. She also prescribed eight hours of sleep each night during the trip stating that this would do more to repair my body than anything else.

The naturopath then gave me a new list of supplements for the next two weeks and during vacation. Included in this regime was a detox formula. Hooray! However, it seemed as though she cut my regime in half. Although I am glad not to have to take so many pills, at the same time, I could not help but feel a little unprotected. I truly believe she knows what she is doing, but I still feel funny about it. I guess it will take some time to get used to the new regime and the fact that I may not necessarily need as much protection after the chemo treatments as during.

Regrowth - Monday, November 9, 2009

I really am tempted to stare into the bathroom mirror and see if I can watch my hair grow. I asked my sister last night if she would check my head for growth, which she did, but to no avail. I almost feel like a kid waiting at the window for dad to come home, expecting him to arrive at any moment. You keep waiting to hear the car pull into the driveway or see the headlights flash against the front of the house. Some evidence has to show soon because, at this moment, I just know my hair follicles are at work producing that long awaited sight...hair. Oh well, I guess there are a few other things I could do in the next couple of weeks while this phenomenon is occurring. Maybe I should fire up the curling iron or check the hair dryer cord to see if it still works.

Tiredness - Saturday, November 7, 2009

My temperature was still normal this morning, but I feel much more tired today. I still managed to clean the apartment as well as do the laundry and ironing, then, after lunch I rested. (No matter what happens, a girl has to have a clean house.) Later, I tried to do some shopping with my sister but started to feel punky. We ended the excursion early so I could rest again. I really hate to have these kinds of limitations. I lay on the couch like a potato for a while before forcing myself to get up and do a few things prior to dinner. About 7:30 p.m., I started to feel achy again and found my temperature was 99.2. So it was back to the oil of oregano capsules and by 10 o’clock the fever left and I fell into bed exhausted.

Another Day At Home - Friday, November 6, 2009

At 6:30 a.m., my temperature was normal. Feeling a little more daring because of this, I took my temperature again at about 8 a.m. I was hoping I could go to work today. Unfortunately, it was 99 degrees. So it was settled. I had to stay home again. About this time, I was paid a visit by "Ms. Self-Pity" and briefly entertained her. Then I made a phone call to a friend. Thank God for people who will allow me to unload my emotional burdens without judgement. It helps to talk to someone who cares. I was just so disappointed and frustrated to get another fever after trying to prevent it with the oil of oregano capsules. However, it soon occurred to me that the situation might have been worse if I had not taken anything ahead of time. So, I intend to rest, study, blog, and plan the things that must be accomplished in the next three weeks before I leave for Rome.

By 2 p.m., my fever broke. At 11 p.m., it was still normal, so I went to bed thankful at least for no more fever. I just need it to stay that way for 24 hours. .

Frustration - Thursday, November 5, 2009

This day began differently than the other first days after chemo in that I felt a bit nauseous. So I took more Umeboshi plum paste than usual (the alkalizing food I have been using with great success thus far). I also felt a little more "draggy" than before and by noon started feeling that familiar achy feeling again. As a preemptive strike, last night I took an oil of oregano capsule just in case a fever should start. While the day progressed, the feeling of achiness increased accompanied by a lack of appetite, which is unusual for me even during the chemo treatments. So, I took another oregano capsule and ate the "stone" soup that Debbie, our newsletter editor, brought me for lunch. It was the right thing to eat. By 5:30 p.m., I arrived home and was able to take my temperature. Sure enough, it was 99.6. By nine o’clock, it was 100 degrees. I cannot explain how frustrating this is even though I know it will be the last time I have to deal with it.

Sixth Treatment - Wednesday, November 4, 2009

This is it! The last chemo treatment ever, in my book. The usual things happened this morning at work. I tried to finish all my paperwork while managing a number of situations requiring my attention. Toward the noon hour it seemed like my time ran out. I had to rush home and actually arrived a little late at the oncologist’s office. The place is so busy that I do not think they noticed. During this appointment, the doctor told me that I did a lot better than even he expected. He said that he did not know if it was because of my constitution or because of the supplements I have been taking. I answered that it was due to God first, and the vitamins second, to which he agreed. After examining me and discussing the latest batch of minor side-effects, he told me to forget all about this office, enjoy myself during my upcoming trip to Rome, Italy, (more about that later) and that he would see me in April, 2010.

By the time my sister and I made our way to the treatment rooms, the semi-privates, which are my favorites, were completely occupied. So I settled in the "sun" room, a cheery place surrounded by floor to ceiling windows. Since it was a bright day outside, it was even more pleasant than usual to sit in there. After about a half hour, the room cleared of other patients and we had the place to ourselves for the duration of my treatment time. However, this cycle was more difficult than the others in regards to falling asleep. The effects of the Benadryl, which usually make me both restless and sleepy for about 30 to 45 minutes, seemed to last longer today. Every time I would begin to drift off, the familiar knee-jerk reaction of kicking the chair would occur and I could not relax. After about an hour and a half, I fell asleep and the next thing I heard was the nurse whispering in my ear that I was finished. Only this time I was not just finished for the day but completely finished the protocol. Even though I was half functional, somewhat like an intoxicated person, I imagine, it felt really great to finally be finished.

On the way home, I talked to both my brother and my best friend for a bit while still trying to become fully awake. Then, I had the brilliant idea to call Marilyn, the produce department head at Martindale’s. I started the conversation by yelling, "I’m done, I’m done, I’m done!!!" Then my sister and I sang "Arrivederci, Roma" over the phone to her. Those are the only two words of the song either of us know. I found out the next day that Marilyn had me on speaker phone and her daughter, overhearing our singing, questioned if something was wrong with me. She must have been worried that I was drunk and concerned if I was driving. Unknown to me, Marilyn also shared the story of my conversation with the staff. When I arrived at work they wanted me to sing that song for them as well. So in the backroom of Martindale’s I belted out the two words of that song I remember. We all had a good laugh. (Then I must confess that I got right to work because I know my bosses are reading this blog!) You may wonder why I would sing this particular song or rather phrase of a song. Well, it reminds me that I can now think about something other than cancer and chemo, something pleasant like my upcoming trip.

Final Approach - Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Well, it is almost upon me. Tomorrow I will have my last chemo treatment. It amazes me when I remember that people said, while I was still in the decision-making process regarding chemo, that it would be over before I knew it and that I would do well. In fact, some of those around me seemed to think I should be enthusiastic about such a wonderful opportunity! The problem was, at that point, I felt like I had just been sentenced to an all expense paid trip to Auschwitz and that I was the only one who realized it. You may wonder why I would perceive it that way. Well, first there was the surgery, then came the installation of the port. Next was the chemo, which in my mind was the equivalent of poison. The final touch will be the radiation, or nuclear exposure. So I faced the prospect of being cut, poisoned, then burned. It is an understatement to say I was not happy at the prospect. However, now that I am almost finished this segment, it really did go by quickly and, with all things considered, I actually have done well. So I have to admit that my friends and family were correct. However, I am very glad this portion is almost over and I never, ever, ever want to do this again!