How to Help - Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Sometimes I wonder why some people feel compelled to tell me about their friend, relative, loved one, or acquaintance who had cancer and died after several years. I am not sure if they think it will help me or if they just do not know what to say. To be honest, this is a time when I need encouragement rather than to hear about that other person who lost the battle for his/her life because it hits too close to home. Please understand that it is not that I do not care. It is that, right now, I am waging that same battle in my own life and there is a continual need to remain positive. One such instance occurred a week ago as I was coughing while on the phone with someone. (It was a few days after the fever had passed and I was still recuperating.) That's when the person on the other end started telling me about his friend who died ten years ago this month right after his chemo was finished and he was ready to get on with life. He used to take power walks and one day caught a chill, contracted pneumonia, and died. The person recounting the story said he did not want to scare me, but......Guess who I called after I ended the conversation? You are correct, my naturopath. I was a little unnerved, to say the least.

If you really want to help someone dealing with cancer, I would like to offer a few suggestions. Offer to clean his/her house, or cook, or drive him/her to an appointment. You could also send a card saying how much you care or call to check on him/her. Also, let the person talk if he/she needs to do so. All these things seem small but are more helpful than you realize. The offers of help I have received have amazed and touched me. For example, when I was about to start chemo, a number of people offered to take me to my treatments. I honestly had not thought about needing an escort as I was planning on going by myself, then going to work. I am so glad I accepted those offers as I am "fuzzy-headed" and tired after treatment and really should not be driving. Another dear person left a card for me, with money inside, telling me he was praying for me. That was an unexpected and needed blessing with all the co-pays I have been encountering. Also, my hairdresser will not let me pay for a hair cut or color until after the chemo is finished. (I still have some hair left.) Any of the above shows you care and really blesses the recipient.