First Opinion - Tuesday, July 7, 2009

One day while talking with my chiropractor, who had had bladder cancer twenty-three years ago, he recommended an oncologist who had cared for his father years ago. He was under the impression that this oncologist had a holistic viewpoint. I made an appointment with this doctor and the one my surgeon had recommended. It happened that I saw the “holistic”, or so I thought, oncologist first. Not only was he not holistic but he also displayed disdain towards my alternative medicine beliefs. He recommended radiation then chemo and sternly warned me not to take so much as a vitamin during the time of treatment. He never explained anything to me but kept referring to my lab reports as though I would understand the “why’s” behind his protocol. I left his office in tears. I have no idea how I got to work except by the grace of God. I could barely pray because I did not know what to say. When I walked into work, it took all the strength within me to walk into the back room and get to my office without falling apart. I felt as though I was in a plastic bubble. I could not communicate with the people around me, and they could not reach me. I was aware of all the normal sights and sounds around me, people talking about their lives, what they were going to be doing that weekend, etc, but I could not communicate with them. I felt trapped inside a windowless and doorless room. Marilyn asked me how things went, and I fell apart. I told her everything the oncologist had said. At that point, I felt hopeless, as though I had received a death sentence. Marilyn tried to console me, but nothing helped. Later, I walked into the vitamin aisle to stock product and tried to think and pray. However, I was having great difficulty concentrating. Later, Mike arrived at work and asked me about the appointment. I fell apart again. He too tried to console me, but I was inconsolable. Later that day, I attended our management team meeting. Again, I had a difficult time trying to concentrate on the agenda and refrain from crying.