Day of Decision - Friday, July 10, 2009

Three days later I saw the “unholistic” oncologist. That was altogether a different experience. This doctor explained the five different troubling things about my pathology report. He also gave me in percentage points the survival rate with and without surgery, chemo and radiation. He spent an hour with me and answered all my questions. He also told me that if I decided to do chemo I would need a port (a device implanted into the chest in order to dispense drugs into a large vein) installed several days prior and that I needed to start chemo within five to six weeks of the operation in order for the protocol to be more effective. He recommended four cycles of chemo, six weeks of radiation.

I told him that if I decided to do chemo, I would walk through it with a naturopath. He said that was fine and that I should just tell him what I would be taking, and if he knew anything about it, he would address it. He said many of his patients used “complementary” medicine. That was one of the deciding factors for me in terms of choosing him as my oncologist. His attitude was completely different from the first opinion.
Even so, I felt as though I were in a whirlwind. I knew my family and friends were afraid I was not going to choose chemo. Some acquaintances and friends from the health food industry were so opposed to it that I felt as though I was letting them down. I was absolutely opposed and revolted by the thought of putting toxins in my body. I did not believe it was a cure yet I felt as though I had no choice because of the progress of the tumor. I repeatedly found myself angry over the choice I had to make. Although I appreciated the concern and input of family and friends, this was my decision to make because I was the one who would feel the long-term effects of the treatment. A day or two later, I went for a walk praying the whole time. I found myself suddenly coming to a point of decision. I told the Lord that I would do the chemo and the radiation then detox my body immediately afterwards. After the walk, I prayed some more. I told the Lord I was still having a difficult time trusting Him for protection while allowing the doctors to put toxins in my body. I asked the Lord if there was a scripture that spoke to this situation. The whole time I was praying out loud I was thinking inside that there was no such scripture in the bible. I no sooner finished the prayer than Daniel 3 came to mind, the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego in the fiery furnace. I remembered they came out of the fiery furnace without harm to their bodies, their hair was not singed and they did not smell like smoke. Having worked in a smoke-damaged store for six months, I knew how impossible that was, naturally speaking. I was still opposed to the idea of chemo but realized God was promising me complete protection if I stood on His Word. The turmoil in my heart died down considerably. The next step was to schedule the installment of the port and coordinate that with my first chemo appointment.